The Ultimate Hand-Me-Down

"I'm going to write down an offer on this piece of paper. Then I'm going to slide it across the desk to you. Read it, and tell me how close we are to getting you to take this sweet baby home today." Sound familiar? It's the classic TV version of the haggling between dealer and buyer at a car dealership. Fortunately for me, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, all I know about buying a new car is what I've seen on the TV. You see my dear friends, I'm an only child, so most of my life i have been immune to the hand-me-down; that age old tradition I hear complaints about from those younger children in multiple sibling families. However, little did I realize all this would change on my 16th birthday. On that glorious day I received my first hand me down car. It was my Grandparent's 1985 Buick Century. NICE. Little did I realize this would be the beginning of a dangerous precedent. Since this momentous event, every time my parents buy themselves a new car, I get the option of receiving the oldest wheels in the Templin fleet as my personal transportation. This was an amazing opportunity during those years after high school when you are dirt poor, and spending all your money on women and booze anyway. Now, having just turned 30, and taking ownership of my 4th Templin fleet hand-me-down, the luster of the event just doesn't have the same power it did back in those cash strapped days. DO NOT confuse this lack of enthusiasm for a lack of appreciation. Centuries of breeding frugal practicality into the Templin line (substitute "cheap" for "frugal practicality" if you know us well) has made me not only enjoy what feels like is becoming a tradition, but even look forward to the event.

There is a catch... Ever since 2002, although my parents continue to live in the Sunshine State, I have lived within an hour of the pacific ocean. Subsequently, as you may surmise, I drive across the US delivering my new-used car. After including up to 4,000 miles worth of gas, meals, snacks, hotel rooms, lotto tickets, speeding ticket, new CD's for the long hours, bubblegum, and time off work - that new-used car can quickly turn into the most expensive free car you ever had. Again, don't confuse my explanation for a lack of appreciation because I more than save money vs buying the car from a used car lot, and always have a blast in my travels. Most folks, if pressed, can drive upwards of 800 miles a day, making the trip in 4 or 5 days. I, being a lover of all things Americana, find it hard to pass up the opportunity to visit all those national monuments, parks, and all around iconic roadside attractions. In my past travels I have visited: Graceland, Sunset Crater Volcano National Monument, Death Valley, hike the Grand Canyon, Bonneville Salt Flat speed test range, gamble just a little in Reno, attend the press conference after the second landing of the x-prize reusable space launch vehicle in Mojave, and even check out the "Honk N' Hook" outside of Cheyenne, WY (but that's a completely different story), and always lots of friends I haven't seen in too long. This time was no different - except for a few key items worth note. I was accompanied by a beautiful, 34 week pregnant woman riding shot gun, and I would be pulling a 5x8 Uhal trailer full of family heirlooms.

The Trip. After picking up the car from my parents and visiting Grandma in Orlando, we drove to Birmingham to visit the other side of my family and check out Mimi's new lake villa. If you have never had grits with tomato gravy, come over to the house and I'll make some for you - thanks Mimi for the recipe. Then we headed to New Orleans for good food, good music, and good times. More on our New Orleans visit and JAZZFEST in a subsequent post. This is where Sarah took a jet plane home. I wasn't about to submit her to 6 more days of long driving. I, however, would not be alone. I was fortunate enough to visit Drew, Karlene, and Dave in Austin, TX - hang out with Travis who was going though instructor pilot school at Altus AFB, OK - check out the Karlan clan in Albuquerque, NM, spend more time with almost the entire Hesseltine family (my in-laws) in Denver, CO - and finally stretch the last 1400 miles back to Tacoma in a two day drive. Along the way I passed though 13 states, drove 4100 miles, and caught up on hours of podcasts I'd been neglecting.

On a regulatory note (somewhat in response to the Polillo DMV fiasco) I will admit I was lucky enough to visit the DMV in FL and WA as well as the Security Forces office on base, and each time walked out, first try, with all items accomplished. There were certainly road blocks at each office, but my smooth charm and often times more money was the answer. If you are unfamiliar with the Polillo story ( Polillo Blog ) I can only say, don't register your car in VA.

Sadly, I have not one single photo of the Chevy Envoy and Uhaul trailer in tow. How did that happen?